


Reasons

by izurus



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Comfort, Gen, Light Angst, Post-Canon, note the ampersand in the relationship tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 14:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izurus/pseuds/izurus
Summary: “You’ll have to be more specific.”Komaeda laughed. “Sorry, sorry, that wasn’t very clear. I guess I should rephrase the question.” He paused for a moment as if in thought. Then he fixed Hinata with a piercing stare.“Kamukura,” he said deliberately, “why did you really do it?”(Komaeda and Hinata have a conversation.)





	Reasons

There were good days, and there were bad days.

On good days, the smiles came easily. On good days, he could play along with Tanaka’s melodramatics or Souda’s antics, spending hours with Tsumiki or Komaeda as he helped them limp across the sand. On good days, he could almost forget that one eye glared out at the world with a deep crimson hue that he couldn’t hide even if he tried.

But today was a bad day, and it took all of his effort to force his mouth into a smile when Sonia greeted him at the table.

“Good morning, Hinata!” She put her plate down gently on the table, sitting across from him with customary perfect posture. He smiled mechanically.

“Morning, Sonia.”

“You are up earlier than usual.”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

She nodded and gave him a sympathetic glance. Her pale hands moved delicately as she lifted a fork to her lips.

The hotel door opened with a _bang_. He couldn’t help but notice Sonia’s almost imperceptible flinch as she tightened her grip on the silverware.

“I need some fucking coffee,” Kuzuryuu muttered, letting the door swing shut behind him as he stormed into the room. He picked up the pot and sloshed some coffee into a mug, smashing it back down onto the counter so hard it seemed like it would shatter.

“Kuzuryuu, you seem troubled,” Sonia observed diplomatically. “Did you sleep last night?”

“What do you think?” he snapped, then sighed. “I was in the pod room.”

He made his way over to the table almost sheepishly, setting his coffee down with less force than before. “Peko’s still not awake,” he said heavily.

Sonia cast her eyes downward for a moment in respectful silence. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I know the signs of life earlier must have raised your hopes.”

“The hell do you mean, signs of life? She’s not fucking _dead_.”

“I apologize. That was the wrong choice of words.”

“No, it’s just…” Kuzuryuu took a deep breath. “Dammit, I’m sorry. I just thought since Tanaka, and Komaeda…”

Sonia glanced at Hinata before shifting her worried gaze back to Kuzuryuu. Hinata felt he was obligated to say something.

“She’ll wake up eventually,” he said. His tone came out far too flat for the comforting effect he was trying to achieve. “Four of the eleven comatose students have woken up so far, and no one has died yet.”

He winced almost before the word _yet_ left his mouth, and he could spot the exact moment that Kuzuryuu’s eyes narrowed.

“Real helpful, genius,” he replied. “What are you gonna tell me next, that _statistically_ only twenty percent of coma victims don’t wake up again?”

“No.”

“Kuzuryuu, please-”

“Shut _up_ , Sonia,” he growled, cutting her off. He slammed a fist onto the table. “This asshole can speak for himself. Do you even care if she fucking _dies_?”

There was a heavy silence. Hinata noticed the hotel door swinging softly closed, and he wondered vaguely who had entered.

“ _Answer me!_ You’re the one taking care of them! Can you even bring yourself to care if they don’t make it?”

He knew he should say something about Pekoyama being his friend, because of _course_ he cared, of course he would do everything he could to protect all of them and wake them all up. He knew that was what he should say, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead, he pushed his chair back and stood up, turning away from the table.

“Bastard! You’re the reason we’re in this mess in the first place!”

“ _Kuzuryuu,_ ” Sonia said sharply, and he fell silent, glaring daggers into Hinata’s back. “That was uncalled for.”

Hinata raised his head to see Komaeda standing at the doorway, leaning on his makeshift cane and looking uncomfortable.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked hesitantly, glancing back and forth between Kuzuryuu and Hinata. Kuzuryuu’s glare softened and he bowed his head slightly.

“I just got pissed off about Peko again,” he said, the edge in his voice gone. “I’m tired.”

Hinata met Komaeda’s questioning stare.

“I’m leaving,” he said quietly. “Could you please move?”

“Of course-”

Hinata moved past him before he could finish, letting the door swing shut behind him. Cold morning air greeted him as he left the warmth of the lobby.

 

—————

 

The mattress groaned under his weight as he collapsed onto the bed. A little sunlight filtered in through the window, the only source of light in his otherwise dark cabin. He moved to stand and turn on the switch, but thought better of it, instead falling backwards on the bed to stare blankly up at the ceiling. _It would have been a waste of electricity anyway,_ he reasoned, legs hanging limply over the edge.

The conversation from the lobby looped over and over in his mind, etched into his brain with flawless accuracy. Kuzuryuu’s words - _“Don’t you care if she fucking dies?”_ \- settled in his chest like a lump of lead. The guilt pressed against his ribs, constricting his lungs, threatening to burst.

_It would be so easy._

Hinata gritted his teeth, chest tight, glaring at the off-white ceiling. There was no red-hot anger, just dull, black sludge filling up his throat. Maybe it would suffocate him if he let it. He wondered what it would feel like, lying there in the dark and letting that feeling choke him until he couldn’t breathe, forcing him to drain it out, to go back to feeling nothing at all.

He heard footsteps outside.

Two sets, getting slower as they approached. It took him only seconds to identify the owners of the steps — Kuzuryuu always took longer strides than his short build was made for, and Komaeda shuffled behind him on legs still unsteady from months of atrophy. They should have known at this point that they didn’t have to knock for someone with superhuman hearing.

They did anyway, and he heaved his body off the bed to answer the door.

“Hi.”

Kuzuryuu stood before him, hunched slightly and staring at the ground. Komaeda’s vague smile looked the same as usual.

“I just, uh…” Kuzuryuu started, then cleared his throat. “Sorry about that. In the restaurant. I was mad, and I’m worried about her, but… I took it out on you. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Hinata responded, mouth moving into a soft smile. “I know you didn’t mean it.”

He studied Kuzuryuu’s reaction. The relief was obvious in the way his shoulders sank, the way his eyebrows unfurrowed and his gaze lifted. _He’s going to persist out of guilt,_ Hinata thought, but he knew that Kuzuryuu had already absolved himself of the worst of it.

“Still,” Kuzuryuu continued, confirming Hinata’s prediction. How boring. “Even if I didn’t mean it, it was wrong. I know you’re trying to bring her back. You don’t… you don’t deserve this shit.”

“I’m serious, it’s fine,” Hinata reassured him. “I was rude too. It’s over now.”

“Yeah. Well… uh, thanks.”

Kuzuryuu smiled sheepishly. Komaeda, who had been silent for the whole exchange, cleared his throat.

“I don’t want to interrupt,” he said, “but if you’re done, do you mind if I talk to Hinata…?”

“Yeah, I was just leaving anyway,” Kuzuryuu said a little too quickly, shuffling backwards. “See you.”

“See you later,” Hinata replied. Kuzuryuu turned to leave, and Komaeda leaned forward against the doorway. Hinata moved to let him inside.

Hinata closed the door. He waited until Kuzuryuu’s footsteps were no longer audible, then turned to face Komaeda.

“What’s up?”

“Oh, it’s nothing important really,” he said, that noncommittal smile still plastered on his face. “I just wanted to tell you what a great job you’re doing.”

“...with what?” Hinata asked, cautiously. He knew he was taking the bait, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care.

“I mean, keeping everyone happy on this island can't be easy,” he continued. “Especially not when you’re working tirelessly to wake their friends up from their comas. Yet you always keep smiling.”

“Well, I’m trying.”

“Yes, I can see that.”

Hinata raised an eyebrow. Komaeda’s expression didn’t change.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He already had a pretty good idea of what it was supposed to mean, but he could play along anyway.

“Oh? Was I wrong?” Komaeda had the nerve to look surprised. “I figured it would be difficult for you to maintain that level of composure all the time. But then again, maybe that’s only a problem for someone like me.” He laughed, lightly. “Surely for someone so _talented_ -”

“Komaeda.” He cut him off. “What do you want?”

“Hm? I already told you, didn’t I?”

He rolled his eyes. “Forgive me if I’m having trouble believing you came here just to give me _compliments_.”

“I suppose the others have told me that it gets creepy,” Komaeda said, seeming thoughtful. On second thought, maybe making the trip to Hinata’s cottage just to sing his praises wasn’t so hard to believe after all. “But you deserve it! You’ve already woken up four of us - although, unfortunately, one of those four was me, and I _really_ am sorry about that again, I know how much of a disappointment it must have b-”

Hinata cleared his throat loudly.

“Right, sorry, another time! Anyway, along with that, you keep contacting the Future Foundation and managing our resources and helping everyone readjust to life and _countless_ other things, and you hardly ever even seem tired. Surely it can’t be easy, even for someone like you!”

“Well,” he said, and he took a moment to adjust his voice. The normal reaction in this situation would be bashfulness, and a little bit of the confused irritation that always accompanied conversations with Komaeda. “I don’t want everyone else to get discouraged, that’s all. I do get tired sometimes. And annoyed,” he added pointedly.

“So you lie about your feelings for the sake of the others,” Komaeda concluded. “How commendable.”

“I never said that.”

“No, you didn’t, did you?” Komaeda looked at him with sharp eyes, that familiar dangerous expression crossing onto his face.  “It would worry people.”

“I don’t need anyone worrying about me. I can handle it.”

“You don’t need anyone worrying? Or you don’t think you _deserve_ to be worried about?”

Hinata half-laughed. “Wow, coming from you, that’s-”

“You don’t deserve it after what you did, right, Kamukura?”

Hinata was silent.

What he expected was a feeling like he just took a punch to the gut. What he got was exactly nothing.

“Okay,” he said, voice devoid of emotion. “Sure. The smiles are fake. Everything is my fault. You know that already. What do you want.”

“Oh, no, I don’t _want_ anything,” Komaeda replied quickly. “I wouldn’t be so _presumptuous_ as to make you waste your time on me. No, I’m just curious, that’s all. After all, you don’t seem to be enjoying yourself much. It makes me wonder if it was worth it.”

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

Komaeda laughed. “Sorry, sorry, that wasn’t very clear. I guess I should rephrase the question.” He paused for a moment as if in thought. Then he fixed Hinata with a piercing stare.

“Kamukura,” he said deliberately, “why did you really do it?”

Hinata blinked.

“I already told you,” he replied flatly. “I wanted revenge, and I wanted to see the outcome of a conflict between hope and despair.”

“Such a hypocrite,” Komaeda said mildly. “You always tell me to be honest with you, but you won’t give me the truth about something so simple.”

“I have no reason to lie to you.”

“Really?”

Hinata met his eyes with a mismatched gaze. “Why do you think I did it, then?”

“Do you regret it?”

“Of course.” Hinata paused. “Of course I do.”

“But aren’t you better off?”

“People died, Komaeda.”

“But you’re not denying it.”

Silence.

Murky sea-gray eyes studied him closely, and Hinata felt a dull flicker of _something_ in his chest. He thought back to half-remembered conversations on a fake beach, to stories of plane crashes and kidnappings and shooting stars.

Komaeda, if no one else, deserved the truth.

“What I told you… it wasn’t a lie,” he said slowly. “But… that isn’t the only reason.”

Those gray eyes met his expectantly, but just like in the hotel restaurant, he couldn’t force the words out.

“Did you know?” Komaeda asked. “If hope or despair won, did you know what would happen?”

“Obviously. My predictions were never wrong, that’s why everything was so… boring.”

“Which one did you want?”

“I…”

The final trial. Graduation or forced shutdown. Staying Hinata and cursing the world, or killing Enoshima and living as an unnatural fusion between two selves.

“I hated her,” he said quietly. “I always wanted to kill her in the end. But for myself… I don’t think it really mattered which ending I got. Either way, I had what I wanted.”

He could predict the look of disappointment on Komaeda’s face seconds before he saw it. “So you were willing to give up your talent—your amazing, impossible talent—for _feelings_.”

Hinata felt like his throat could close up. “I didn’t even give it up, though,” he nearly whispered. “That’s the worst part. I put everyone through this, and in the end… I got both. I got everything I wanted.”

“...how selfish.”

“Yeah.”

“I can see why you said you didn’t want anyone to worry about you.” His tone was casual, almost flippant. Hinata’s stomach churned. “Living happily on an island free of despair, surrounded by friends despite all the unspeakable things you’ve done.”

“Look, I know, I’m-”

“Really, none of us should have anything to complain about!” His laugh was a desperate rattle that shook his entire frame. “I mean, Tsumiki’s panic attacks? Souda’s nightmares? What is any of that compared to what we did?”

“What? No, that’s not-”

“Not to mention _my_ insignificant-”

“Shut _up_!” His shoulders heaved. “You can’t just ignore things like that! I won’t let…”

He trailed off. Komaeda just looked at him, barely making an effort to hide the smug smile creeping across his face.

“You won’t let us, right, Hinata?”

He groaned. “I hate you.”

“Completely understandable, I’ll see myself out.”

“Wait, that’s not what I-”

“I know I’m an _abysmal_ conversationalist,” he continued, hand on the doorknob. “But just so you know, I keep my cabin door unlocked.”

Hinata blinked. “You do?”

Komaeda just shrugged. “If you ever feel like you don’t want to burden the others,” he said, and started to leave.

“Uh, thanks,” Hinata said. “I’ll… talk to you later?”

“Whenever you want.”

Komaeda closed the door softly behind him, and for the first time all day, Hinata felt a genuine smile forming on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> this happened because i'm still pissed about the way that dr3 explained kamukura's motivations for putting junko in the nwp. like... the conflict between hope and despair.... that's bullshit and i hope this makes a little more sense


End file.
